It’s like there’s some complex, ancient story in there that they’re holding in but dying to tell to the right person.] By Dork Zygotian As one walks down the street in Budapest, a common reaction that many visitors have as they gaze at the physical perfection of Hungarians is "Gee! This information is aimed at men, those slaves of testosterone who carry their brains in two neat little bundles between their legs. All Hungarian men are charming, enchanting, good-looking, and completely unintelligible if you don't speak Hungarian.I wish the human race were transformed into cute little rodents whose only aim in life was to have continuous, lusty, mindless animal couplings at every opportunity, hundreds of times each day! Women who are visiting often ask "Are there any available Hungarian men? Rex Harrison crooned it best, in My Fair Lady, "Oozing charm from every pore/ He oiled his way across the floor/ Never have I seen a ruder pest/ than that hairy hound from Budapest." Men, however, must take a different approach to attract the wily Magyar leány. " Other communications were made by rubbing anything else.A good looking Hungarian woman who speaks English, German, or French is quite a find, and she knows it. That means they are used to recieving flowers before being taken to the theater and wined and dined afterwards by a nice smelling young man who goes to the bathroom every fifteen minutes to preen in front of a mirror to ensure that he still looks nice and then after two dates he's allowed to get to home base, and then they get married, two years later divorced, and that's where you walk in. You did not go to the same school system, did not serve in the same army, did not grope her same girlfriends in highschool, nor belong to the same Young Communist league. That doesn't mean that meeting the Hungarian girl of your dreams is going to be easy. And taking her out to nice restaurants that normally cost you an arm and a leg, but now leave you a financial quadripelegic.She recieves daily faxes from suitors the world over and she knows the exact opening hours and addresses of the Chinese restaurants that serve imported lobster Szechuan style, which goes extremely well with a light, yet fruity French white wine, slightly chilled, and remember to tip the waiter 10%. You are different than all the nice smelling young men she's known. Nor has she been busted for possession by the same cop in Alabama, dropped out of the same University, belonged to your voodoo cult, nor ever watched The Brady Bunch. You can't tell a Hungarian girl that you are a tourist. And while the local Joe gets to home after two dates, you will have to wait longer. You will have to compose yourself with a lot more chilvalry and charm than Western girls demand. You compliment her looks, her clothes, ask attentively about her day at work. At the same time, all this hoopla is designed to get you a few old fashioned rewards.